We can’t always be physically present with our parents. A quick telephone call is still the primary source of contact for many families.
Communicating with your parent or loved one can be challenging face-to-face due to the nature of dementia. That can become a greater challenge when speaking with your parent over the phone, where we lose the visual cues that make up a huge part of our conversations. At The Terrace at Chestnut Hill, we’d like to share some strategies on how you can develop skills to improve a phone call with your parent.
In an attempt to get the most out of your phone call, keep these strategies in mind when speaking with your parent on the phone:
- Create a positive environment
- Find support to assist with the call
- Allow your parent to lead the conversation
- Speak slowly, clearly, and keep it simple
- Focus on connection and limit distractions
Symptoms of dementia vary between individuals. This means that dementia impacts individuals differently from day to day. A customized approach to your loved ones’ care is in their best interest. Keep in mind, that what works today may not work tomorrow. Perhaps some of these strategies work well during one phone conversion, and the next, they don’t play out so great. Prepare yourself to be flexible and take it one day at a time!
Why it can be Challenging to Communicate with a Parent with Dementia
When you are talking to a parent or a loved one with dementia, it can be tough. Dementia makes it hard for individuals to express themselves and sometimes understand what’s being communicated to them.
Your parent may get frustrated, anxious, or angry during a conversation if they struggle to follow along or remember things. Dementia may affect their language skills. Often, this leads to them using hand gestures to express themselves, or they may lose their train of thought. Ultimately, this leads to them speaking less overall. That complicates the process of a phone call.
Decide whether you have the equipment and desire for a video-based call, or whether a traditional voice only call is more suitable. Video lets them see your face, and gives you more of the non-verbal cues of conversation, but also comes with more technology to manage and often reduced sound quality. Voice-only calls also leave the opportunity for you to pursue calming or helpful activities during the conversation: a chance to fold the laundry while catching up.
Create a Positive Environment
The best way to start the conversation with your parent is to create a light, positive environment. Your voice and tone while talking on the phone can be detected by your parent. Speak slowly, gently, and with enthusiasm! Use humor when possible to maintain a light atmosphere. Try not to convey a feeling of frustration in your tone or voice.
To help eliminate potential stressors for your parent and yourself, create a routine. Schedule a set time for the phone call. Try not to call at random. This can help prevent your parent from becoming overwhelmed. Additionally, knowing you have a set time for your phone call can help you approach the call relaxed and calm.
Redirect the conversation if needed to maintain a light mood. If your loved one becomes frustrated, reassure them of their feelings. Do not dismiss their emotions.
Perhaps you’d like to share a fond memory with your parent. While your loved one may not have good short-term memory anymore, they may recall moments from decades ago. If there’s a particular memory that you know they are fond of, be sure to share it with them!
Find Support to Assist with the Call
If your parent lives in a memory care facility or with another family member, include them in the routine of your phone call. This could mean letting the third party know that you have a scheduled phone call with your parent. They can assist your parent with the phone or move your parent into a part of the home that has no distractions.
This is also very helpful if you choose a video-call rather than a voice only call. Having another person to manage the sound, camera, and interface means you and your parent can focus on the conversation.
At The Terrace at Chestnut Hill, we have created The Bridge App to help provide consistent communication between families and their loved ones. This allows families to stay updated on their loved ones’ wellness. We have associates and care professionals nearby who can assist your loved one with your phone call.
Allow your Parent to Lead the Conversation
Before calling your parent, you may pick a few starter topics ahead of time. Ask your parent about their hobbies, activities, and any social interactions they’ve had! Leave them space to process and answer.
If the conversation begins to sour, that’s okay! Redirect with another planned topic.
While you have a list ready to go with topics in mind, be flexible. Chances are the topic will derail and loop back to something that was already discussed. Allow your parent to lead the conversation and follow along. This allows your parent to feel a sense of agency. Don’t cut them off! Allow them to take their time. The purpose of the call is time with them, the content of the conversation comes secondary.
Speak Slowly, Clearly, & Keep it Simple
Speak slowly, clearly, and keep your vocabulary simple.
Be direct when you can. Remind your parent of your relationship by using names often. For example, “Hi, this is your daughter, Jane,” and be sure to say their name frequently, “How are you, John?”. This will also help to keep your parent engaged in the conversation and give them contextual clues if they begin to lose track.
Focus on Connection & Limit Distractions
Limit distractions on both ends of the call. If someone can assist your parent, shift them into a quiet room where TV and music can’t disturb the flow of conversation. Establish the same set of rules on your end. Move to a quiet room, and make sure there are no surrounding disturbances that can distract you or can be heard through the phone. Take this time to focus and be present with your parent!
How Memory Care can Help you
There are a variety of factors to keep in mind in an attempt to make the most out of your phone call with your parent. Give yourself a strong headstart by using some of the tips we’ve shared to help create a relaxed phone call.
Due to the nature of dementia, try to approach the phone conversation with reasonable expectations. What works today may not work tomorrow. Professional memory care utilizes the same approach.
At The Terrace at Chestnut Hill, we have created a personalized memory care program that caters to the needs of your loved one. Our approach to innovative care encourages families to stay connected with their loved ones. Contact us to learn how memory care is a great fit for residents and their families.
